is today agood day to surrender myself?

is today a good day to surrender to myself? to grab my mind by its vices and virtues till crimson seeps out? the intersection of the old and the new peers over the horizon. the cracks of today, the fallen empire of tomorrow. if i shed this skin, will i recognize myself or am i too far gone? to the point of no discern, to the point of no return? 

all this time i’ve been waging my wars, trying not to choke on battered alliances and my own inhibitions. this trapdoor is the product of clenched fists and forced laughter in the morning. nails digging into skin and words stranded at the back of my throat.

there once was a girl in her roaring 20s, throwing on masks that altered her face. and her eyes weren’t eyes, for they took her to the back of her head. what a terrible sight to see. she weighed her mind everyday, coming up with nothing but a rhetoric pressed onto her skin and her bones and all the crevices in between. a rhetoric she couldn’t sweat out. 

here, at the end of my wits, i reflect upon the myriad of checker pieces laid out in front of me. time and time again, the thrill of conflict resolution has led to terrible decisions. the universe is merely holding me up. after all, 10 Corinthians and the 13th Principle are just fairytales manufactured for the forlorn. if i shed this skin, will i recognize myself? i have lost myself in the tides; i owe everything to the tides. 

is today a good day to surrender to myself?
not yet, maybe. 
who’s to say?